Last night, a friend (male) with whom I have been great friends for many years and I had a long and heated discussion about sex, lust, love and relationships in general.Fortunately, because we are such good friends we are still talking but emotions did run high.It began as general conversation and the differences in gender expectations. His assumptions about what he thought women wanted were so rigid and entrenched and right off the mark!I listened to his tales of woe regarding his relationships and the reasons why he thought they fell apart. He was anxious to know what I thought the reasons for his consistent inability to maintain a long term relationship with women were.At first, I was extremely reluctant to answer his question but he persisted and said he wanted an independent view, so I relented and that’s where the fun began lol. I told him that I would not advise him(I am certainly not the person from whom to seek relationship advice) but would comment from a female perspective.
His first problem is failing to communicate and assuming his partner”knows” what he is thinking. Playing games- playing it cool, appearing nonchalant and slightly blase’ are definitely a turn off.Lying- once you get caught out on even the smallest of lies, an element of doubt will always remain- tell the truth no matter what the consequences may be- suck it up and be a man.Be sincere and NEVER say anything he does not mean. He needs to act like a gentleman- forget all that politically correct gender based rhetoric and treat a woman like a lady, she will adore him for it. Now the more interesting observations! Sex- women like to intiate and enjoy great sex. Men are not the only ones who love to indulge in fantasy/fetish/ kinky sex. He should embrace her initative and enjoy it.
His ideas about women and sex are very traditional, which surprised me and I could see how his relationships were doomed to fail unless he got over his inability to accept that most women celebrate their sensuality and desire regular,incredible sex from their partner!
He seemed genuinely shocked that women can and do accept responsibility for their own sexuality and fulfillment, in fact that women make up the majority of customers at “adult shops”. He finally began to see that his beliefs and expectations needed to evolve if he wanted to have a successful relationship.
What a conversation 🙂