I am going to write quite openly here about supporting an adult child who has severe mental health issues. Firstly, I want to say that no matter what the diagnosis I will always love, support and be there for my daughter. Much of the time I feel completely impotent, unable to offer anything more than love and support. I cry when I am alone,unable to hold back the tears wishing that I could take on her burden, remove the pain and anguish she suffers daily. I try to understand how she must feel but I know I never will. I often wonder if she hates me because I cannot take this away?
I live in fear that each day will be her last. Analysing her every word and action,looking for hidden clues,warning signs that a crisis situation is imminent. Will today or tomorrow be the day when she decides it is all too hard? My stomach never has respite from the large knot of anxiety, fear and dread.When I see a number from home appear on my phone my heart goes into tachycardia and I feel like I am going to faint until I hear that my daughter is safe.
I regret that I cannot be with her as I must work to provide for my family.To pay the medical bills,pharmacy bills and private health insurance that allows each of us to access hospital immediately if required.I hate to consider how much the health insurer has paid out for us as a family but I know both my daughter and I are grateful and fortunate. Many do not have this luxury.
My thoughts go out to all those who are in the same situation. Continue to love unconditionally, laugh as much as possible and cherish each and every day.